I wonder how many therapy sessions I’ve been featured in.
Are there any in which I’ve been a regular? The star? The villain?
My own therapist, much like my nail tech, knows the main characters in my life by name. I’ll start talking about a co-star or supporting actor in the critically acclaimed hit, “MOLLY!” (cue jazz hands), and she’ll say a name with a question mark or announce, “That sounds like something <insert name here> would say.”
A friend of mine recently was recounting a conversation they had had with their own therapist, and it took me a bit off guard that I was even mentioned in the session. It was simply a funny retelling of a very minor experience, and yet, I felt a surge of alarm go through my body. Does this mental health professional now have my name in notes? Did they circle it in pen? Do they tally how often I’m mentioned? Do they ever refer to me by a nickname or a collection of nouns and adjectives?
When I’ve mentioned an ex with my therapist, if she gets a bit confused as to whom I’m referring, she’ll ask, “<Insert particular noun>?,” and I’ll say, “Yes, that one.”
It’s funny the connections the mind makes. If someone’s therapist can’t remember me, how do they refer to me? “Oh, you mean Pittsburgh Pool Whore /Crazy for Cabernet/Deranged Dog Girl/Legend in Her Own Mind?” Do I count as an important person in someone’s life if I’m mentioned in someone’s 50-minute-$100-per-hour unloading?
I don’t know. And I wonder what my electronic health record looks like – is it full of men’s names and a Venn diagram where one circle is in my ride-or-dies and the other is men I’ve loved romantically? Yes, sometimes they overlap because my friends and I are PROGESSIVE, DAMNIT.
Am I the problem child for someone? Am I the co-worker who makes every day miserable? The wanton ex-lover? The wanderlust friend with whom no one can connect?
More things I don’t know.
But I’m sure of this – if I’m wondering how I show up in people’s private, intimate conversations, other people are, too. And I can assure you – you’ve been the topic of discussion.
Thank God for HIPAA.
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